Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
