hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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