I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
