P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
