I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
