so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
