My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
