So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Terrible idea I love it
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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