So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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