Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
