well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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