my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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