just come out here and I will go home with you...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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