Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize