the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you would pick up someone in the library
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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