imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
