I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
