I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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