Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
