You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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