I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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