I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
