I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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