he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
