Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
