I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
