she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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