She's JV to your varsity
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
