The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
