Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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