is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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