i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
