I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
