Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
