I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
