I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
