i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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