you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
