She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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