he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
