my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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