drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What a dumb baby whore.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
