you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
