Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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