She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
