And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
