so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
