I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
