Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
