Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
