i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
