hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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