need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
kristin has been a bad kristin
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
