Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
only you would photoshop your dick
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
