i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
