Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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