I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
