I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
