I met the friendliest cop last night
if only i could text you this smell
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
