I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
