I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
