CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
3 2 1 whiskey
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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