"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
