My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
