All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
