it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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