I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
