Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize