Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
im on a boat
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